The Unposted Truths

This shit absolutely sucks sometimes. I mean on a scale from "help me" to "I’m miserable” it gets real "how tf do I get out of here."

Shocking- I know. Nobody ever said being the cradle of creation was easy BUT HOT DOG. Being a wife and a mother can really blow you sometimes. 

Between losing your sense of self worth after you become a stay at home mom to feeling lost under all the piles of laundry, there are some parts of motherhood that are really hard and less talked about, so let’s chit chat:

First Things First 

I miss my old life. I miss my one bedroom apartment on Woodward, drunk 2017 nights and hanging out with my friends. I miss three bags full of Bath and Bodyworks candles and buying myself a new outfit for a new event. I find myself mourning my past life often.

Nails done, weave did everything did 😩 Now you’re lucky if my eyebrow isn’t crooked

I believe the transition from free bird to caged bird (or so I felt) is actually what rocked me during post partum. See even tho I was very ready to have her, for a long time I felt so angry at the way my life changed, I was confused because as a professional juggler there was no way in hell I couldn’t juggle my old life and this new one.

During rougher times 🥺❤️

What can this do to your relationship?

Now I know this depends on everyone’s personal shituation (you like what I did there) but I’d like to briefly talk about how this can affect your relationship This blog is for me to be honest and it would hurt the culture not to mention that our partners are experiencing their own set of problems too. Parenting is a challenge, and it can be very STEEP:  

S - Somebody feels underappreciated

T-  Time has been stolen from the both of y’all 

E- Equality just doesn’t seem to be a thing

E- Emotions are running high and the baby is screaming

P- Past life coming and telling you lies

I‘m literally writing this with a stank look on my face because we just had a conversation about appreciation. I don’t feel like I am appreciated for all the house work I do that makes his day easier. He doesn’t feel appreciated because he works hard so that I can chase my dreams (i.e. complain about his ass on this blog). We both are integral parts of this family and definitely need to communicate how we can work past this issue. I want him to know that I am grateful for everything he’s done for us the last two years, so talking with him about my feelings and listening to his is the best way to go.

Your partner may be carrying weights you can’t see

Time. Whew Y’all. This time thing is a big one because I don’t really feel like I have the “time” for all the things that I need to get done. When I was working the food truck and doing my Instagram stories I would be not the nicest Zuri because I felt pulled in 10 directions. Once I left my job and eliminated that stressor (I smell a storytime) I felt like I had more time to do exactly what I needed and became a better wife and mother (daughter, auntie, cousin, sister).

Equality. Alright I’m not sure marriage is 50/50 all the time. Tavien carries a weight that I can not and I do things he doesn’t. That being said, if you are feeling unbalanced chances are your partner is too. Have a chat about how you can help each others loads, you may even find out you really ain't been doing sh’t 😂🙈

Emotions. This is a Pisces-Scorpio relationship Ima just head out. Also (help) lmaooo. 

Past Life- This is a theme that will come up a couple times in this blog because it was really important to me to identify where those feelings were coming from the first year. Like you guys have seen, Ren has always been the sweetest baby since she was born. She began sleeping 6 hour stretches at 4 months and by 6 months slept through the night. She always maintained her independence and was always truly a happy baby. She’s actually a super fun kid, so its not her. It’s never been her. IT WAS MY OLD LIFE. I was missing the old way of doing things and also was close minded about the way my new life would look. Once I talked to my big sister (all of these topics have to go through Nee) I learned that I was just mourning my old life and that’s okay! That helped me with mom guilt and helped me realize that this is just a chapter in my life, that I am still Zuri. 

While marriage and wifedom is no walk in the park it is still the most beautiful part of my life. The erratic in the moment Zuri has made way for a more confident, responsible version of myself. And I like that. If I get to self improve plus spend my life with a Scorpio and his Tavien-faced baby then that’s a win win.

XoXo,

Zally

---

Follow ZullyMaMa here on Wix for everything crazy motherhood. New blogs are posted on Wednesday and Fridays.